So… I did it today. I handed in my resignation letter.

Therefore, my journey of leaving the place I’ve worked at for nearly three years - and also the first ever place I’ve ever worked at - begins.

It was going so good in the early days. When everyone liked everyone and it wasn’t that hard to make friends. My workload wasn’t so batshit crazy and I actually reminisced about my working environment.

Sigh. 

Unfortunately now, I feel more on-edge and burnt out rather than happy at work. Before anyone says it: I know. Work is work, it’s not always going to be a walk in the park & fun and games. I know that.

It’s just that sometimes things get a bit too toxic - as much as I hate to admit it. I’m a strong person.. but I guess it’s time to put my foot down.

But my journey afterwards isn’t going to be so relieving either, I suppose. New beginnings, new people to get familiar with, new work ethnics and foreign projects that’ll be labelled ‘mine’.

Boy, am I scared or what? Haha.

Hopefully God will give me enough strength, motivation and confidence to get through all this. Tough times indeed.

I’ve figured that I’m the type of person who really lives in the moment. Today, me & the production team I’m interning at held our usual monthly get-together. Feasts, laughter, friendships — old or new — and all of the sorts. While all that was happening, seeing everyone so happy and stress-free (for once, haha!) and just getting along in general made me think to myself: if only I could stop time right this second and savor the moment just a bit longer. The happiness, just from seeing everyone enjoying themselves.

Where you can think of nothing but how joyous everything is — where you really forget all the troubles and hardships you had to endure for you to get to this point.

It really made me forget the anxiety I’ve constantly felt while working, how I always feel like everyone is judging and looking down at everything I’m doing. Well, not exactly everyone. Some of the crew take care of us like family, and I couldn’t be more thankful to them. But somehow I feel like the anxiety sometimes overpowers all those happy thoughts. Maybe it’s just me, I don’t know.

But yeah, if only I could pause that moment. Let me remember only the good times with everyone, not the times when my thoughts convince me that I’m a piece of poop. Haha.

I’m not naive. I know these good times are gonna end sooner or later. Everyone’s gonna go their different ways and maybe by that time I’ll finally have mine paved clearly. Keyword being maybe.

Change is unavoidable, and maybe one day I’ll hopefully adapt to it.