2022! Ah, new beginnings.. Not sure if the year's starting out the way I'd like it to, though. Huh.

Started this year not alone, surprisingly haha! Meet my bb late last year, something that I didn't see coming at all. He's nice. Loud and ridiculous with a tiny amount of hopelessly cute.

Also! I started working, gosh like true adults do. At the same place I started interning at, too. What sucks is that the workload is unbelievably ridiculous, and there's only like.. 2 people in the editing department. It wasn't this bad even during my internship, because back then all the projects got shared around and I actually had friends who were stuck doing the same things as I was.

It's a huge bummer, ngl. I miss being an actual part of the team. Now I mostly feel like the outcast editor who knows nothing and has no say about what the bustling team #production is doing. I just feel left out.

Welp, there's kinda a reason why I mentioned my bb in the beginning. Hold on, I'm just getting into it.

Long story short: we met at work. Which is: 1) great because we literally meet almost every day and 2) not-so-great because of this One Goddamn Project.

Now he's out and about for almost 3 months now, which is probably not the end of the world for most people.. but!

It dries my soul because before all this happened, we'd have fun little dinner dates where we actually had time after work and social lives. Now working hours are stretched infinitely and the border between personal time and work is blurred beyond belief.

(It might as well be non-existent at this point, we are all slaves to corporate)

He barely has free time anymore and gosh, I know better than anyone that it isn't his fault but I can't help myself from getting upset. I just want his time again , yanno?

:(

I am terrible at telling people my feelings, I always think of it as selfish and that I'd end up sounding pathetic or worse case scenario: I spend all that time trying to figure out the right words and the other person just didn't really care much about what I had to say. So I don't. 

(Don't do this stunt at home kids, you'll regret it)

So now I'm here bottling up all these things that upset me in fear of upsetting other people.

I'm working up to it, I promise I'm trying. But dammit it's hard!