I probably should be updating this on my birthday — which is literally four days away — but I feel like I just want to do the least work on that day as possible. Haha.

The only reason why I put pumpkins in the title is because my birthday happens in pumpkin season — fall! And that means pumpkins, cinnamon, dried leaves and Halloween (ugh, I love October).

Even if I don’t even like most of the things that I listed, lol. In fact, the first time I had pumpkin was literally last weekend: it was served savoury, not bad but not my favorite, and ooh I’m not a pumpkin virgin anymore.

Back to the point, I don’t know.. October just feels fun and cozy.

I’ve been drowning in assignments and finals (and still am) but I’ve managed to find a little space between here and then to rest a bit. I’m very, very exhausted and I feel like crying sometimes but hey, that’s life. Sobs.

I’ve noticed a pattern with myself, that with each passing year I dread my birthday more and more. I don’t know, maybe I’ve embraced the fact that I won’t always be with my family a little too much that I’m just expecting nobody to do much when the day comes. I’ve kinda.. expected less and less. Haha.

I’m not sure who came up with the tradition of being happy and celebrating being a year older but it doesn’t really sounds like me. I kinda wanna still be 18 like, forever? It’s a bummer.

Found an old magazine, got a few cut-outs out of it and successfully added a new page in my art journal that I abandoned for two years. It was so much fun. I almost forgot how fun it was to do them :')

Hopefully I can find some more magazines to cut out from, but that will most likely need to wait until I get back home in August. I really want to do more pages currently, but right now I'm happy I got one in before I go to study again.

You know those days where you wonder just how much mooore of just, life that you can take? Where you're just moping about just exactly how you've gotten to the point you are in life? The big and the teeny tiny small things?

Well, I'm at that point where my eyes are all puffy and I can't even bring myself to talk and let me tell ya something: it sucks! It sucks that you're actively aware that you're just wasting your time being sad and not doing anything about it. I wish I wasn't so sad these past few days.

And as the title suggests, I'm going on a big hunt to find happiness! (but I think probably everyone is, too, haha!)

I wonder what are the things that would actually make me feel truly happy. It's not money or fancy stuff, that I'm sure (I pondered about it when I was bawling my eyes out and yep, I can vouch for that). It may make you reeaaallyy happy temporarily, but it's not gonna last you a very long time, trust me.

In order to be really content with myself, I think what's essential is a happy environment, one where you can grow yourself and be acknowledged for that growth. A place where there's tons of positive reinforcement and you can do new things without getting the bitter end of it. Where you're able to achieve great things and make yourself happy and satisfied.

Is there even such a place? Maybe, just maybe, there is. But of course, in order for that to happen, I'm gonna have to make an effort myself. So I'm not giving up just yet! I'll try my best and work hard and hopefully maybe one day, things will be in my favor.

This post is probably the longest one yet and more serious that the others I've put up, but technically it's still just lil' me getting the mush in my head out onto a page. Haha!

• Try to get better with my anxiety & mental health
• Get my shit together forreal
• Learn to cook yummy stuff!
• Learn to drive & own a car (ambitious, especially for a teeny person like me, haha. but I'm very excited at the idea!)
• Being able to earn enough money for me to not worry about spoiling myself sometimes, lol
• Study & eventually live overseas with my älsking (and we can have so many fun trips omg)
• Being able to afford my parents stuff, haha
• Be genuinely happy